Eat it, Lick it, Snort it, F*@# it

What exactly did Britney Spears mean when she screamed this to an “Extra” reporter while leaving her custody hearing Friday in tears? I just can’t figure it out, but I am quite dim. Britney on the other hand is a cunning linguist who’s poetic vernacular cannot be matched. Just listen to “Gimme More” and you will understand what I mean. Lets take a minute to explore the subtle, underlying meanings of this quote. I have derived from this a list of what I believe Miss Spears could have been referring to.

1. she is promoting the title of her next single.
2. thinking she was being questioned on her recent weight gain, she misheard the reporters question to be “What do you like to do with ham?”
3. She is explaining the reason why in a single week she lost the right to even VISIT alone with her kids, had a court appointed parenting counselor say she isn’t just a bad mother but a terrible person, ran over two photographers, declared that she takes the stimulant Provigil…alot, has a “highly anticipated” album whos projected chart placement is so low it will make a dent when it hits the bottom, and got the WORST collagen lip injections in the history of collagen injections.
4. She is trying to interject a new slang term into modern pop culture to replace “hit it and quit it”.
5. She thought Cartman was on to something good in the tourettes episode of South Park and is seeing just how far she can go.

One thing we can all agree on is that Britney is much smarter than all of us. If I were to guess I would say she has been reading alot of E.E. Cummings lately and that is what inspired this genius quote. If anything she is making Louisiana schools look better, I’m sure her extreme intelligence is due to a superior early education. I think that is why she shaved her head come to think of it, her brain has to get hot doing all of that work.

At least Halle Berry is an apologetic racist.

Halle Berry succeeded in a feat that many attempt and fail. She stereotyped a nationality AND a religion in one sentence. Last Friday night she was showing off photo booth on her new Mac (Halle is on our team! Take that PC!) and showed a warped picture of her with a big nose which she said looked like her “jewish cousin”. Even though it was edited out and never aired, she was still forced to write a public apology. She says,

“I so didn’t mean to offend anybody–and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did. What happened was, I was backstage before the show and I have three girls who are Jewish who work for me. We were going through pictures to see which ones looked silly, and one of my Jewish friends said (of the big-nose picture), ‘That could be your Jewish cousin!’ And I guess it was fresh in my mind, and it just came out of my mouth. But I didn’t mean to offend anybody. I didn’t. I didn’t mean any harm.”

Honestly, who could be mad at Halle Berry for long? Have you looked at halle Berry lately? All she has to do is say she was in “Swordfish” and she’s cool with all the men again. And besides, its not like she showed a picture of her waving hello from the window of an oven or winning a game of monopoly. Lighten up.

An Open Letter to Kid Rock

Look Bob, I get it. You are an “American badass”. You “Don’t give a fuck what people say” about you. you “appear to think personal hygiene isn’t for everyone”. But c’mon man, fighting in the parking lot of a Waffle House? I’m not saying I never fought in the parking lot of a Waffle House. I’m not saying it didn’t happen more than once, I am from Louisiana after all, but kids look up to you Bob. The nations children turn to you for guidance and inspiration every day. You are the picture of what can come of hard work, self determination, and strong moral fiber. You’re the American Dream, man! I can look past the Tommy Lee fight a few weeks back. I would probably hit him with a stick too if given the chance. I’m not too sure if I can jive with the fact you two were fighting over Pamela Anderson, but I’m willing to overlook that considering you kicked his ass. Don’t even get me started on what you should do to Rick Saloman. First he takes Paris and now Pamela? The guy has it out for you and I think something should be done. But seriously, a Waffle House? At least IHOP has a LITTLE more class. Waffle House is like IHOP with an accent! Take it to a Cracker Barrel or something dude, anywhere but a Waffle House. Do it for the kids.

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Its Not Just Dumbledore

Lenny and I talked last night about Dumbledore being gay, and to be honest I’m just as unaffected as everybody else. Yeah, I’m a fan, a very dedicated one at that, but I am just really not that taken aback. Maybe its because he is dead. Looking back on it I can’t really remember a time where I was too interested in the sexual orientation of a dead old man. Honestly, if it does raise any emotions, it is one of sympathy. The guy had to kill his lover Gellert Grindelwald! Imagine if you turned on the TV and found out the Ellen Degeneres had been forced to take out Portia Di Rossi? Sad times, mate. Sad times. Apparently Albus had passed on more than just a hat and a sword though…

I know its fake, but C’MON, THIS IS FUNNY! Plus it was kind of hard to share this on the radio.

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The (Internet) Radio is Cool Again

Everybody’s favorite bad boys of radio are back to prove that you can’t keep a good show down! Make sure to tune in to The Birn from where ever you are in the world every Monday from 7pm-9pm eastern standard time to hear Lenny’s favorite music picks, Ed the Mac Whisperers Mac tips of the day, and of course you can hear me dishing out the celebrity gossip and commentary. You can keep up with the songs we play and the links we talk about in real time at the show’s website too. Of course make sure to check out this site during the show as well as all week to hear what I REALLY think that they won’t let me say on the air.

Don’t forget to talk to us during the show! you can always get in touch with us over iChat or AIM live during the show so you can tell us what your opinion is on the topics, take part in games and quizzes, request songs, or tell us if we suck.

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Add us to your friends list, and remember to listen every week, because if you don’t, who will?

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