"Can He Really Say That?" is a blog dedicated to bringing you the latest in celeb gossip and making fun of it so you don't have to. CHRST is an extention of the (now defunct) "Lenny and Jonny Show", only on the BIRN.
Lenny and I struck a deal with Brad Pitt's($1) publicist that every time we mention Brad Pitt's($1) name on "The Lenny and Jonny Show" or "Can He Really Say That?" we would get a dollar. So far we have used it to buy 37 pizzas, 7 disposable cell phones, a really rad black light poster of a tiger, and $62 worth of iTunes downloads.
Tony Romo has big swinging brass ones. Tony told girlfriend Jessica Simpson to her face that she wasn’t as good of a singer as his ex, Carrie Underwood. to her FACE! TO-HER-FACE!! HER FACE!!!!
OK! magazine had this to say:
Doesn’t Tony Romo know you should never compare your girlfriend to your exes?
Though his lady love Jessica Simpson has enjoyed her share of musical success, Tony believes she’s not quite up to par with ex-girlfriend Carrie Underwood — and told her to her face!
“He really hurt Jess’ feelings,” the pal tells OK!. “She tried to laugh it off in Hawaii [where Tony played in the Pro Bowl], but she pouted whenever she heard Carrie’s songs playing.”
Adding insult to injury, the 27-year-old quarterback isn’t exactly lending his support to Jessica’s new country album either.
“Tony said he thought Jess would have trouble winning over audiences with her upcoming country CD,” the pal adds.”
Dude. Wow. I don’t know what to say about this. It must be nice to have hot blondes throwing themselves at you at such a rate that you can talk shit about them (to their face!) and not fear the repercussions. The repercussions being never getting in Jessica Simpson’s pants again. Those are serious repercussions. Most would prefer lethal injection.
Is Jessica making a country album to try to fight the ghost of Carrie Underwood that haunts her relationship? Hell yeah that is why she is making it. That bandwaggon hopping bitch.
I spoke last week about Orlando Bloom dating superhottie supermodel Miranda Kerr. This week its a different story, though. Star Magazine has some dirt on Orlando that is going to keep their relationship from moving forward. And by dirt I don’t mean gossip, I mean stained underwear.
From Star:
“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often.” When he’s not working on a film, the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 31, “goes days without washing his clothes,” adds the source. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks. It doesn’t help that he sleeps with his dog, Sidi, and lets her slobber all over him.”
The article goes on to say that Orlando is upset with Miranda’s demands and doesn’t think the relationship will last. This just keeps getting better. Battle Orlando vs. Jonny O just took a decisive turn. Sure, he has money and boyish looks, but he also has a stupid mustache and BO, so I think it kind of cancels out leaving me in the lead with above average pickup lines and a reputation for pleasin’ the ladies. You know who you are, ladies.
My mother told me very early off, “don’t ever ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you can actually see the baby coming out of her”. The people at OK! Magazine apparently don’t have mothers. The cover story of their latest issue is that Katie Holmes might, could possibly be pregnant. Their reasoning? In these pictures of her and Tom at The Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards (wait, what?) she had a bulge under her dress and an onlooker said she “has that glow that only pregnant women have”.
I don’t know if I would call that a baby bump. I would call that a bad camera angle. Special glow? Maybe she was just sweaty. Katie Holmes is crazy pretty (ba DUM dum, zing!) and might just look like a real woman under the expensive clothes. Maybe she just hit the buffet a little hard. Katie could have just had to poop. I’m sure Scientologists poop, right? Isn’t that one of their things, you can poop but you have to do it without making a sound? One thing is for certain, I can’t wait to blog about “Katie Holmes hospitalized after magazine article throws her into anorexic fit”.
Did you hear about Diablo Cody’s shoes? She has far too much self respect to wear a pair of $1 million diamond shoes. She will gladly grind you for $20 in the back room of a dingy gentlemen’s club, but don’t you dare ask her to wear the shoes she designed herself to the Oscars. She has scruples you know!
They’re using me to publicize their stupid shoes and NOBODY ASKED ME. I would never consent to a lame publicity stunt at a time when I already want to hide. I’m sorry if I sound like a party-pooper, but Jeebus.”
Jeebus indeed! Here is designer Stuart Weitzman’s response:
This year – more so than in any previous year – the lady who was given the opportunity to wear it was quite involved in the design process. Diablo Cody sent me examples of the type of shoes she liked and actually did the final selection herself…She chose to adorn the shoes with medium-sized diamond roses from three different sizes offered to her. Why she seems to be so surprised as to the attention being paid to her and these shoes, I cannot answer.”
Stewart sounds like a trustworthy guy, but she gets naked for dollar bills, so you can see why I have a hard time deciding who to put my support behind. On the one hand, Diablo will awkwardly shimmy her pasty, tattooed body for me to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” while I drink $10 bud lights, but on the other hand, FREE SHOES! This is what they are talking about when they talk about life’s hard choices.
Winter shoes worn with booty shorts because it should be cold even though it isn’t? check. Sonic cup? check. Pregnant 16 year old? check. Mother who thinks “The Dorthy Hamill” is still in style? check. GED recipient? check. Yep. This is offically a picture from my home state. Its like looking at a picture of the state flag.
“But Jonny O” you say, “where is the GED recipient? Are they hiding behind the pregnant teen or the Mother of the Year nominee?” No, silly! It IS the pregnant teen! Jamie Lynn is officially a graduate according to People Magazine:
Out of the spotlight after revealing her pregnancy, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is moving ahead with her life, passing her GED and thinking about college, a family friend tells PEOPLE.
The Zoey 101 star passed her high school equivalency exam about a month ago – scoring particularly well on reading comprehension – and is looking to take the ACT college entrance test, the friend says.
“She’s already got her diploma,” according to the friend. “She wants to take her ACT. She’s not wasting any time. People don’t know her. When she gets something in her head, she’ll make it happen. Everybody is so supportive of her.”
I think Jamie Lynn must have been pretty inspired by Juno, because teenage pregnancy is just one short, witty joke after another! She is a guiding light to knocked up underage girls everywhere!
People always ask me, “Jonny O, is there any female in hollywood that you DON’T have a crush on?” and I can always say without a shadow of a doubt there are two. Conveniently, they are easy to spot because as of this weekend they are both dating Madden Brothers. Benji (the ugly and less talented of the two, if you can believe that someone can be uglier and less talented than Joel) went public this weekend with his new squeeze, Paris Hilton. Keep in mind, Joel was engaged to Date Movie’s Australian hottie Sophie Monk until roughly 18 or 20 minutes ago. He kind of made a fool of her with the whole thing considering Monk ripped on Hilton in the movie and now he seems to be punishing himself by forcing his body to have sex with Paris’ diseased nether regions. It would just seem easier for him to go and stick his wang in that box at the doctor’s office with the biohazard sticker where they put all the used syringes. And as an added bonus, the box is hotter! ZING!!!
What has me more concerned is this; if Paris and Benji go on a double date with Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden will it cause a giant black hole of suck? More so, should we as concerned citizens allow that many stupid people to gather in one place without supervision? I think we should at least require them to wear helmets and their names pinned to their shirts.
Last nights montage of deceased Hollywood insiders mysteriously didn’t include Brad Renfro, the actor that died a week before Heath Ledger (who was included in the presentation). Renfro starred in The Client, Sleepers, Apt Pupil, and the independent Ghost World.
Us Magazine got the scoop from the Academy…
“It was really an editing decision because we can’t fit everyone in,” a rep for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences tells Usmagazine.com. “There was no specific reason.”
The montage even included managers, agents, and makeup artists that nobody has ever heard of, but couldn’t include Renfro because of time constraints. Way to stay classy, Oscars.
Brad Pitt($1) is certainly looking very Barefoot in the Park in these pics from Saturday nights Independent Spirit Awards where Jolie finally proved she is pregnant. There had been a lot of speculation about whether she was or not, but it is now confirmed (because TMZ said so!) that she is indeed having another blood child to ignore because it came from her womb and not a third world country. That makes me think Angelina’s womb must be pretty nicely outfitted since she said Shiloh gets left out sometimes because she comes from somewhere more privileged than the adopted children. I wonder if it is expensive to rent in the off season?
Brad($.50) and Angelina also ditched a pre-Oscar event that they were supposed to co-host with his psycho stalker ex former mate Jennifer Anniston who this weekend made herself seem even more crazy by having her eggs frozen. Keep in mind Anniston is 39 years old, at this point she doesn’t have a biological clock, she has a freaking time bomb.
Where do I start to describe what makes this video awesome? The fact that Ryan Seacrest improvs like a drunk 3rd grader? The look of horror in every eye within a 40 foot radius of Busey? The little bit of joy I get from knowing the real reason Ben Affleck isn’t with Jennifer Garner on the red carpet? The part where gary Busey passive-agressively threatens Ryan Seacrest? That it appears Jennifer Garner’s stylist is apparently practicing some form of Chinese breast binding torture on her? This is downright fantastic.
